I will never understand how i went from such a strong, happy, talented girl.. to someone who starves herself to death or makes herself throw up after every meal. I grew up believing I would make it to the olympics for gymnastics, and take home the gold. As the years went on i began to lose hope, and before I knew it my sick corruptive thoughts took over. I used to love spending time with my family and friends.. always laughing and smiling, having a good time. Now, id rather be alone, miserable in a dark place harming myself. Unfortunately, I can no longer do that either. I am finally saying this is the end.. I cant necessarily say its anyones fault, nor is it fair to blame anyone. My family has been nothing but good to me, and although I may not make them think it, they have. Its others that have made me feel like a worthless piece of shit. Playing with my mind, leading me to believe i am never have been and never will be good enough. I know im not perfect, but it was never fair to use me or play me, and make me feel this way. This has all gone on far to long and i am no longer strong enough to handle it. I hate who I am. I am ugly, fat, worthless, dumb ect. This is the end. I cant imagine going on another day in this life. But i just want to say thank you to those who have helped keep me around this long. When i think about the future, I know its not there, and i know this is my only way out.